Heartache, grief, pain and longing
by GenerationZ
Summary: Heartache, grief, pain and longing. Can these be the making of true love?


**_Disclaimer: I dont own Harry Potter. I dont own the characters. I do, however, own this plot._**

**_Do enjoy this one. Took me forever to write.  
Dedicated to Heenie because she's someone who appreciates all those minor things...oh and because she's a great buddy_**

Sirius looked over at Hermione as she shielded her eyes from the sun. He smiled and stuck his hands in his pockets, starting up the shaded path. He felt Hermione start up the path as well and they soon walked side by side

"Are you thinking about buying it?" Hermione asked him as she looked to the cottage they slowly approached.

Sirius shook his head then grinned. "I've already bought it."

Hermione's eyes widened as the stopped in front of the two-story cottage. Lush green grass surrounded the perfect white cottage; its blue shutters beckoning the warm glow of the sun inside.

"Sirius," Hermione gasped, "it's beautiful."

Sirius smiled. "Wait till you see inside."

Hermione followed Sirius the rest of the way up the path and he opened the large blue door. She followed him into the living room and smiled. It was decorated in soft cream colours, making Hermione feel warm.

"This is wonderful… really amazing."

"I know, it is isn't it," Sirius said. He cross the room and sat down on the soft light brown couch. "Harry helped me pick it out."

Hermione smiled. "It's amazing; you should have a house warming party."

Sirius grinned. "Harry suggested that, I think he's planned it out already."

Later that night, after he had seen Hermione home, Sirius sat down on the edge of his bed and sighed. All day, he had held himself together, his entire body shaking from the firm rein he had on his desires. All day he had to keep himself from sweeping her into his arms and carry her up to the same bed he sat on.

But it was more than just desire. Every time he saw her, he felt an unfamiliar wave of…love. It overrode his senses, made it hard for him to breathe. He wanted to protect her, look after her, to love her with every sense of being he possessed.

Sirius sighed again. These feelings didn't occur often in him. Actually, they had never occurred. He had never felt this way for one woman before and somehow, it confused him.

He shook a hand through his silky locks. He shouldn't have these thoughts. Hermione was his godson's best friend and he was old enough to be her father. It wasn't right.

Sirius threw himself across the top of his duvet, shutting his eyes tightly. As hard as he tried, he couldn't erase the picture of her from his mind. She was crystal clear in his head; her smile, her bright chocolate eyes, those kissable pink lips, her round curves that…

He jumped from his bed and shook his head furiously. _It's never going to happen,_ his head told him, _give it up._

Sirius sighed and padded over to the bathroom, trying to erase his mind of a certain curly-haired witch. He failed miserably.

XXXXXXXXXX

Just as Sirius had promised, a week later Hermione was standing in his living room again, surrounded by everyone she knew. Hermione glanced over in his direction and briefly watched him laugh at one of Fred's jokes. She smiled and turned her gaze away from him, continuing her conversation with Harry.

Harry saw her quick glance at Sirius and proceeded to grin. "You're not being very subtle."

Hermione's eyes widened in response. "What are you talking about," she asked calmly, trying to calm her heartbeat down.

Something in Harry's green eyes sparkled. "I mean, it's obvious to everyone."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hermione told him in what she hoped was a confident voice.

Harry merely grinned. Ginny suddenly appeared beside him, sending a curious look in Hermione's direction.

"Why on earth are you grinning?" Ginny directed the question at Harry.

His grin changed from a grin to a lazy smile and slid an arm around her waist, pulling Ginny against him. She let out a small squeak and swatted him playfully on the arm.

Once she was done hitting him softly, Harry turned his attention back to Hermione. "I was merely grinning at how oblivious our dear Hermione is being," Harry announced.

Ginny raised an eyebrow. "What is she being oblivious about?"

"Her feelings for Sirius," Harry answered easily, grinning at the look of horror that settled upon Hermione's face.  
"I have no idea what you're on about," Hermione mumbled.

Harry shifter closer. "Just tell him," he said softly.

Hermione stepped back, shaking her head. "It's not as easy as that Harry. I've thought it through, a lot, and the only thing that comes to my brain is that…" Hermione paused to steady her shaky hands. "It's just…just a crush. A silly, way out of control crush."

Harry frowned. "Your brain is wrong. For once in your life, acknowledge it!" He exclaimed, his words clipped with anger. "Don't deny your heart Hermione," he continued, pointing his finger at her heart. "It's time to stop following your brain and listen to your heart; god knows it's long overdue."

"That's it," Hermione retorted. "I don't need to stand here listening to this nonsense." She swung around on her heel and marched towards the front door, ignoring those who tried to strike up a conversation.

Sirius watched her cross the room and slip through the front door, slamming it behind her. He turned his amused eyes to Fred. "What happened there?"

Fred glanced over at Harry now getting an earful from Ginny. He grinned. "I guess Harry pushed some buttons." He paused and sighed dramatically, shaking his head. "I've advised the young one as much as I can but still, he doesn't understand the ladies."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I guess," he glanced at his front door, still shut, and frowned. "It still doesn't explain what happened."

It was Fred's turn to raise his eyebrows. "I'm sensing one of those…'feeling' talks coming."

A chuckle escaped Sirius' mouth. "'Feeling' talk?"

Fred grinned. "Mum tries to figure out our 'feelings' almost once a month. It's awful. But hey man," he laughed, slapping Sirius on the back, "if we can bypass that conversation, I'd be much happier."

Sirius laughed. He looked to the door again and this time, he couldn't stop himself. "Sorry Fred, but I must go and play good host."

As Sirius started across the room, Fred mumbled, "Gosh, they're both idiots."

Sirius opened the door and quietly shut it behind him. Hermione was sitting on the bottom of the small set of steps, her legs stretched onto the gravel path. Her head was down and the curls were escaping from the bun on the back of her head, hanging on her neck and shoulders.

Hermione's head shot up and the sound of the door clicking. She twisted her head to peer over her shoulder; Sirius smiled at her. Hermione frowned and twisted her head back, looking to the sky.

Sirius sat down on the step beside her. "Looks like its going to storm."

She looked up and their gazes met. Hermione smiled. "I guess so."

Lightening struck across the sky and Sirius turned to Hermione. Her eyes were closed and her face was looking to the sky. As she breathed in, her body relaxed and she smiled.

"Can you smell it?"

Sirius concentrated on her face. He had never seen anything more beautiful in his life. "What?" He said after several minutes.

Hermione grinned, her eyes still shut. "It's going to rain soon. You can smell it in the air."

"Yeah," Sirius replied absentmindedly, his gaze roaming her face, taking in every feature. "Do you like rain?"

"I love rain, storms, everything in that general area," Hermione said, a hint of laughter lacing her voice. With her eyes still closed, Hermione drew her legs to her body and hugged them tight. "When I was younger, my dad used to bundle me up close when it stormed and he would read my stories all night. Mum would sit there shaking her head at us but Dad didn't mind."

"Mmhmm…what kind of stories did he read to you?"

She slowly opened her eyes and smiled. "Muggle Fairy tales; Rapunzel, Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty… I used to love them." Hermione sighed happily and added, "I still do."

Sirius smiled. "They sound like wonderful stories."

Hermione grinned. "They are. I loved them so much I would pray for storms to come just so I could sit and listen to them. I was in love."

"Anything that makes you happy is wonderful." Sirius murmured, moving his gaze to the sky as another flash of lightening lighted the dark sky.

"Oh no," he heard Hermione gasp.

Sirius quickly moved his gaze from the sky to Hermione. "What's wrong?"

Fear flashed across Hermione's face. "Something has happened." Panic gripped her heart and clenched tightly. She stood up.

Sirius did as well. "What do you mean?"

Hermione shook her head furiously, unable to explain. "I need to go. I need to check on them."

"Check on who Hermione?" Sirius asked her quickly. "What's wrong?"

"I can't let anything happen." Hermione stepped back. The last thing she saw before she apparated was Sirius' face.

Lightening struck across the black sky as Hermione appeared before her parents' house; thunder cracked seconds after.

Hermione looked at the elegant two-story house in front of her. She heard an ear splitting scream accompanied by a flash of green light. She started to run up the gravel path, the small rocks crunching under her feet.

As she neared the front door, she saw another flash of green light, this time accompanied by a dull thud. Hermione broke into a sprint, running as fast as she could until she reached the front door. She banged on it urgently. No-one answered.

"Mum! Dad!" Hermione shouted into the night as she continued to bang on the hollow door. Again, no-one answered.

Rain started falling heavy, a sheet of wet water, soaking her to the bone. Hermione took no notice of it as she whipped out her wand and muttered something low. The door flung open and Hermione ran through it.

Memories of her childhood came flooding back, the times her mother and father would play childish games just to amuse her; this made Hermione run faster to the stairs, proceeding up them at two steps at a time.

"Mum!" Hermione called, hoping for an answer. When no answer came, Hermione rushed to her parent's room, full of dread.

The door was locked.

Wand still in hand, Hermione quickly blasted the door open. She stopped, frozen in the doorway. Her parents were slumped on their stomachs beside each other, neither of them moving.

Tears ran down her pale cheeks as she suddenly found her feet and stumbled into the room, collapsing next to her parents. She rolled her mother onto her back.

Her mother's lifeless chocolate eyes, so much like her own, stared to the ceiling. Pain was etched across her facial features and her body was as lifeless as her eyes. Sobs escaped Hermione's mouth.

"Mum," Hermione sobbed as she hugged her mothers' body close, "don't leave me."

Hermione stayed like that for what seemed like hours. Finally, she raised her tear stained cheek out of her mother's hair, moving the lids down gently to cover the lifeless eyes. Moving to the other body, Hermione sobbed harder as she rolled the body over. At seeing the same identical pained look across her father's handsome face, Hermione broke down, wishing he was alive to envelope her in his arms.

Unable to take anymore, Hermione collapsed onto the lifeless chest. "Dad," she sobbed, "you have to come back, I need you. _You can't leave me!"_ Hermione shouted the ending and her voice rang through the darkness.

As three pops sounded throughout the room, Hermione gripped her father's shoulders and shook forcefully. She heard someone call her name but Hermione blocked out the voice, continuing to sob and let out strangle cries. Strong arms wrapped around her waist, lifting her from her knees and placing her feet on the ground.

"No!" Hermione shrieked, fighting against the strong muscles around her waist. "He has to come back!" The tears continued down her face.

"Hermione, there's nothing you can do."

Hermione turned around. Sirius was looking down on her, grief etched across his features. She banged her fists on his chest and shouted, "Let me go… _he has to come back!_"

"I'm sorry Hermione…" Sirius' voice was a low whisper.

Hermione banged her fists harder; heartache could be seen in her eyes. "I have to find who did this!" Her face hardened, determination mixed with pain set across her face. "Let me go!"

Sirius tightened his hold on her, pulling her closer to him. She continued to struggle but as Sirius kept his hold on her, Hermione broke down and clutched at his shirt. "They can't leave me Sirius," she let out in a strangled voice.

"Believe me, they wouldn't have wanted to," he murmured in her ear, stroking her wet hair.

Sirius rocked her back and forth in his arms, unwilling to let her go. Harry came up beside him, looking at Hermione sadly.

"Sirius, I think we need to go." Harry nodded sadly at his friend before his emerald gaze turned back to her parents. "Remus and I are going to see Dumbledore about this."

Sirius nodded, only loosening his hold on Hermione to sweep her into his arms. He took one last look at Hermione's face before apparating to his home.

An instant later, he was in his kitchen. Sirius carried her up the hard wood stairs and when he reached the top landing, he hesitated. He looked down to Hermione's sleeping face and the hesitation passed.

Sirius carried her down the corridor and kicked the door to his bedchamber open. He quickly crossed the room and laid Hermione across the dark bedspread.

"Hermione," he sighed, watching her sleeping form. Sirius bent down and moved the covers over her before placing a small kiss on her temple. "I love you," he whispered as he moved to sit on the arm chair beside the bed.

What seemed like moments later, Sirius jerked his head up at the sound of someone crying. His gaze moved quickly to Hermione as she twisted and withered under the duvet, sobbing uncontrollably.

Sirius jumped from the armchair and knelt beside the bed, placing a hand on each side of her face. "Shhh Hermione, it's okay, I'm here."

Hermione's eyes stayed shut as she murmured "don't leave me" over and over again. At the sound of her strangled whispers, Sirius moved around to the other side of the bed and lowered himself down and pulled her close to him.

Sirius sighed as she continued to twist; agony could be seen across her face. He began to rock her, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, trying to sooth anything that might be hurting her.

Her twisting stopped and Hermione shifted closer to him; Sirius was happy to oblige. He soon fell asleep with his face against her curls.

XXXXXXXXXX

Hermione opened her eyes and blinked as they refocused to the light. Unable to recognize the surroundings, she focused on the hand clasped around her waist or rather, the person that that hand belonged to. She tried to smile at his handsome face but she couldn't. Pain and agony still gripped her heart and Hermione felt that she was drowning.

The pictures of the night before flashed in front of her eyes, making her wince. Hermione felt like crying but found her tears had dried out, her eyes too sore to do anything but blink.

Tremors ran down her spine as she continued to think about her parents. The arm around her waist tightened and drew her closer. When she looked at Sirius' face again, his stormy grey eyes stared into hers.

"Are you alright?"

Hermione blinked, screwing up her face to stop herself from crying. She tried to nod but failed; Sirius frowned and pushed a curl out of her face. "It was a stupid question," he whispered.

Feeling his voice run through her, the tears welled up in her eyes. Hermione tried to blink them back but they defied her and slide down her cheek.

Sirius's eyes filled with emotion and he leaned over to kiss the tears away. "I'm so sorry Hermione."

"I promised them I wouldn't let them get hurt. Why didn't they come to me, not them?" Her voice was filled with raw emotion.

He stroked her cheek lightly. "There was nothing you could do and I'm sure they knew that as well," he whispered as she shifted closer. He wrapped both arms around her. "They loved you Hermione and if you had of been harmed instead of them, they would never have forgiven themselves."

Hermione clutched his shirt. "I miss them so much Sirius."

Sirius stroked her hair. "I know you do, that's what hurts the most."

"I'm never going to hear his voice again…am I," Hermione asked softly, though she already knew the terrifying answer.

Sirius shifted his hand from her hair to trace a finger down the side of her face and under her jaw. He tilted her chin up to look at him. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"So am I," she murmured, staring straight into his eyes.

He looked at the pain in her eyes, mixed with grief and longing. Sirius traced a finger over her lips before bending down and covering them with his own.

Hermione shut her eyes, different feelings welling up inside her. Opening her mouth to his tongue; his caressed hers. Soon, their tongues were dancing in slow movements.

Sirius pulled back, breaking the kiss. He looked down at her. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

Hermione tilted her head. "Yes you should have."

Sirius shook his head. "No Hermione, what I just did wasn't right. Your parents have died and I've taken advantage of your pain, something that is wrong. I love you but I can't take advantage of you, I just can't."

"Sirius,' Hermione whispered, "I want you."

He sighed. "I want you too. You don't know how badly I want you, to take you in my arms right now. But I can't."

Hermione slid her arms around his neck and pulled his face close to hers. "Sirius…make my pain go away," she whispered softly.

Sirius surrendered under her soft whisper; a whisper that expressed longing. He moved his face inches closer and covered her lips with his. With urgency, he ran his tongue across her bottom lip; begging, hoping for entry.

Hermione obliged. Deepened by both parties, their tongues dance together exotically, growing hotter with each second.

Sirius broke the kiss to trail soft, feather-like kisses down the curve of her neck. He reached her pulse spot and sucked lightly. Continuing his torture down her neck, Sirius stopped as he reaches her soft cotton button up shirt.

Slowly, Sirius unbuttoned each one, pressing a small kiss on each bit of milky white skin he uncovers.

At the last button, Sirius unbuttoned it and flicked her shirt open with expert hands. Sirius looked down at her. "God you're beautiful."

Hermione sat up. She pressed a kiss to his lips as Sirius ran his hands across her shoulders, moving her shirt down her arms to drop it next to the bed. Lips still locked, Sirius caressed his way up her arms, her shoulders and to her back, quickly unclasping her bra and throwing it to join the shirt.

With eager hands, Hermione tugged at the end of his shirt and pulled it over his head. Sirius shut his eyes and tried to suppress a moan as Hermione ran her hands across his chest, letting her fingers run over the hard sculpted muscles.

Sirius growled softly, grabbing her eager hands and pushing her back onto the bed, holding her hands above her head. Their lips met again; passionately and hot. Using one hand to trap her hands above her head, Sirius trailed his other hand down her body, stopping to caress breast.

He cupped the full softness and caressed lightly, flicking the tight bud with his thumb. Hermione arched into him. She tried to tug her hands free but Sirius kept a firm hold, switching his hand to pay same due to its twin.

Sirius broke the kiss. Hermione opened her eyes only to close them as his lips met with her breast. She arched into him, desire filling her body.

After paying same attention to its twin - his tongue working magic – Sirius let go of her hands and Hermione grabbed at his face, pulling him up to her. They kissed passionately, breaking the kiss only to meet again.

Sirius broke the kiss to kiss down her neck. Pressing soft, tantalizing kissing down the length of her body, Sirius stopped at her jeans. He unzipped them and slid them slowly down her long legs.

Her underwear followed.

Once again, Sirius looked down at her, trying to suppress a moan. She was lying below him, naked and utterly beautiful.

Unable to leash his desires, Sirius bent down and kissed her; more hungrily and desire filled than before.

Hermione traced her hands down his chest to his jeans and unzipped quickly. She grinned against his mouth as he tried to kick them off but failed. She heard him growl and jump off the bed, only to cover her with the length of his body seconds later, free of jeans and any other clothing that stood in his way.

Sirius kissed her as he entered her, hot and smooth between her thighs; her gasp was smothered by the kiss. He kept still, allowing her to adjust to the sensations. Sirius looked down on her; she bit her lip.

Hermione wrapped her legs around him, deepening their embrace. Sirius needed no further prompting and he moved within her, deeper each time. Hermione met him with each thrust and the desire settled between them.

Hermione felt herself peak, a loud moan escaping her mouth as she climaxed. Seconds later, Sirius shuddered and collapsed on top of her, finding her mouth and kissing her roughly.

He withdrew himself and rolled off her to lie next to her, wrapping both arms around a panting Hermione and drawing her closer. Sirius looked down in her flushed face and smiled.

"Hermione?"

Hermione lifted her heavy eyelids. "Yeah?"

"I love you."

Hermione sighed and snuggled closer to him. "I've wanted to hear that for a long time."

Sirius kissed her temple, his lips lingering there. "I've wanted to tell you for a long time," he whispered against her forehead.

"I love you too," Hermione whispered back with her eyes closed.

Sirius smiled as she drifted asleep; her face peaceful. He drew the sheets over them and closed his own heavy eyelids. Hopefully, he had, if only for a brief moment, made her forget her pains.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

"May they rest in peace," The minister finished, shutting his bible. Sadness filled the air as everyone looked to the two coffins on top of the church's platform.

Sirius looked down to Hermione and slid a finger under her chin, tilting her head to look into his eyes. "We didn't have to sit in the front."

Hermione shook her head sadly, shiny tears sliding down her cheeks. "I have to go up there soon."

Sirius hugged her closer and rested his chin on her head. "I'm sorry."

"It's been a month since their death, why does it still hurt so much?" Hermione sobbed, clutching him closer.

"And now their only daughter, Miss. Hermione Jane Granger, has a few words to say," the minister said.

Hermione pulled herself from Sirius and calmly wiped her cheeks. With her head raised high, she stood and walked to the top, taking the minister's place.

"This is something I have been dreading," Hermione said, looking into the sad faces of her relatives. "But I realized it isn't something that I should dread. My parents' were wonderful people and a lot of people loved them dearly. I feel honored to be standing here saying a final farewell." Fresh tears slid down her cheeks. "As much as I miss them and love them, I know that they would have wanted me to live my life the best I can and not to dwell on things that cannot be changed. It is a tragedy and it breaks my heart to know that I won't be seeing them for a long time," Hermione continued, her voice shaking. "But I know that I will see them again. I know that they are watching down on me and smiling." Hermione looked at the coffins. "I love you mum and dad and I'm going to miss you with all my heart." She stepped down from the platform and made her way back to the seat, back into the safety of Sirius' arms.

As the ceremony concluded and everyone made their way out, Hermione stayed in the front row of the large church, Sirius' arms still wrapped firmly around her.

"Hermione, I'm -"

Hermione stopped him by placing a finger on his lips. "No more 'I'm sorry'."

"How about 'I love you'?"

She looked up to him and smiled weakly. "I don't mind hearing that."

Sirius smiled softly and kissed her temple. "I love you Hermione Granger."

_**This took me a week to write. 7 and a quarter pages, one of my best yet. **_

_**Do review. I hope you enjoyed it.**_


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